I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
