I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
