so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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