Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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