Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
