I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
