I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
do nipples grow back?
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