the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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