i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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