the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
