i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
