it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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