Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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