No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
