You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
