It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
