no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
whose parrot is this?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
