i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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