..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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