i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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