I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
