And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
