Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
