Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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