When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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