Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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