her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
