Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
