Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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