Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
