I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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