How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
