You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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