Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
