She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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