I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
