i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
