I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
