Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
