I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
