Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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