is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We smell like vodka and hangover
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