What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
