My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
