it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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