were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
