I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
