if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
