Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
