capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
