Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize