Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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