He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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