youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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