Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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