mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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