Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
