Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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