I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
