my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
