I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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