if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
