The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
