were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Farmville is her only friend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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