Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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