Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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