Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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