chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
